Another Year, the Same You

The dawning of a new year is filled with promises of being a better version tomorrow of the person you are today. Especially with this shit-show of a year, we are all looking for positive change and brighter days. Instead of the usual resolutions, this year I encourage you to give yourself blanket forgiveness for the past.

We have all made mistakes and done things that in hindsight, we would rather have done differently. I turned 30 in May and it felt like a milestone that required a special gift. So I forgave myself for any regrets or mistakes made, and I have continued to remind myself of that gift.

Personally, there was one gig where I made a musical mistake and could not get out of head, which led to making some more mistakes, and all I wanted was for the performance to end. The memory still pops into my head now and again and makes me cringe. Usually at night tossing and turning, that memory would get stuck and it was likely to cause an avalanche of negative self-talk destroying any hope of restful sleep.

Since my birthday, I still have niggling, negative thoughts about the past (and I probably always will), but now, when they pop up, I remind myself that I was doing the best I could with the knowledge and tools that I had at the time. Why continue to beat myself up for the unchangeable? And in all honesty, I have probably blown that memory way out of proportion. I talked to someone who was at that gig with me and they had no memory of me making any mistakes. Our memories are fallible and yet we treat them as the absolute truth, unaware that with each recalling and retelling, they are modified.

The end of 2020 is a big deal. Instead of making the usual promises that are abandoned by February, give yourself the compassionate gift of forgiveness and continue to remind yourself of that gift as needed.

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